Recently our Newfoundland dog, Tinkerbell, and I took the Canine Good Citizen test. If you can’t wait to find out whether we passed and the suspense is killing you, please feel free to skip to the end of this column.
OK then. Here we go.
So it became increasingly apparent to everyone at chez Cannon that this Tinkerbell creature is nothing like her Newfie predecessor, Zora, who spent her entire life moving in S.L.O.W. M.O.T.I.O.N. Much like her namesake, Tinkerbell never sits still. She flits here. She flits there. She flits everywhere. Which is a lot of flitting for a 120-pound fairy. And while all that energy (!) and enthusiasm (!) for life is charming, it’s also terrifying if you happen to be standing in Tinkerbell’s path when she starts up with the flitting.
Strong men stand aside when they see her bounding toward them. OH NO! They cry out. SHE’S FLITTING AGAIN!
This is why I enrolled Tinkerbell in an obedience class where we worked on basic commands such as “sit,” “stay” and “stop at the store and pick up a gallon of milk on your way home from work today.” In the process, I myself learned some important lessons.
LESSON NO. 1 • Tinkerbell and I respond well to treats. Especially bacon.
LESSON NO. 2 • Obedience class is more for the person than it is for the dog. People may not learn to be more obedient than they were before enrolling, but they do learn that using long paragraphs to explain what they want dogs to do isn’t effective. Why? Because dogs don’t speak English.
LESSON NO. 3 • Consistency is crucial to success. Semi-consistency is crucial to semi-success.
Anyway, our teacher was terrific, and Tinkerbell and I had loads of fun learning how to sit and so forth. We were never the star tag team of the class, but still. We did OK.
Until the test.
Here’s what happened. So you’re not supposed to treat your dog during the Canine Good Citizen exam. In other words, the dog needs to obey YOU because YOU SAID SO and not because you keep slipping it a side of bacon every time it does something right. I knew this, but I never really got around to training Tinkerbell without treats because it makes me super sad to deny creatures bacon whenever they want it.
Well, it didn’t take Tink long to figure out once the test started that we were in a bacon-free zone. And when she figured that part out, the flitting commenced. “Why sit when you can flit” is her life motto. Tinkerbell enjoyed herself immensely, of course, but yeah. We didn’t pass.
At first I felt kinda bad about the way things turned out. Then I reminded myself that I had kids who almost flunked out of high school, so come on. Perspective is important.
Meanwhile, what comes next?
Here’s the deal. You can’t have a 120-pound fairy, no matter how friendly she is, terrorizing people. This means we will get back on the horse, even though getting on a horse with a big dog can be challenging. Hello. It’s not like either Tinkerbell or I were raised in the circus.
Anyway. We will let you know when we pass the Canine Good Citizen Test. And when we do, you’re all invited to her graduation party.
Bacon will be involved, p.s.